It has been quite a long time since I last wrote on here but it has been quite a busy time. You see my uncle was very ill so we had to travel to Manchester and after he died came home for a week. We then had to go back for the funeral but thankfully my little boy did not seem to understand any of what was happening.
At the hospice they gave him jelly and ice cream and were great with him and the weather was so hot he was able to go into the garden to play. But he would not look at his uncle until he was leaving the hospice the following day. He seemed to know he was so ill and he had trouble recognising him as the man he knew. He always called him Grandad.
One the Sunday morning after he had died he was given jelly and ice cream and a cream egg as it was Easter sunday. He seemed to know there was something really wrong that day and did everything he was told straight away (for a change)!
The following week we did not want to take him to the funeral so thankfully a nursery took him for the day where his younger cousin goes. So this meant he could play all day with him and had a great time.
Thing is how do you explain to a child that the person has died and is not coming back? It is not so easy to do so to a 5 year old. He seemed to understand that his uncle was very poorly and was not going to get any better but last week he took the order of service with his uncle's photograph on from his funeral. He was so proud of his Uncle Colin he had wanted to show his teacher at school! We had looked for it all day and had a feeling he had taken it to school.
The other day he told me that his uncle is better and living next door to his aunty. We have tried to tell him about the angels but he is still struggling with the concept. The problem is that he has been sleeping badly and having nightmares. How much should you really tell children? Should you say that they have gone to the angels or should you say they are on holiday which they could then ask when they will be back? It seems to come down a lot to personal parental choice and the child as to what they can understand and cope with being told. It is not easy to decide as children are so different and unfortunately death is not a thing you can really hide from them totally when a close relation dies.
So we just have to struggle on and see how it goes and hopefully he will realise that his uncle will not be coming back any time soon.
After all children should be allowed to be children and be protected as much as possible from the harsh realities of life!
At the hospice they gave him jelly and ice cream and were great with him and the weather was so hot he was able to go into the garden to play. But he would not look at his uncle until he was leaving the hospice the following day. He seemed to know he was so ill and he had trouble recognising him as the man he knew. He always called him Grandad.
One the Sunday morning after he had died he was given jelly and ice cream and a cream egg as it was Easter sunday. He seemed to know there was something really wrong that day and did everything he was told straight away (for a change)!
The following week we did not want to take him to the funeral so thankfully a nursery took him for the day where his younger cousin goes. So this meant he could play all day with him and had a great time.
Thing is how do you explain to a child that the person has died and is not coming back? It is not so easy to do so to a 5 year old. He seemed to understand that his uncle was very poorly and was not going to get any better but last week he took the order of service with his uncle's photograph on from his funeral. He was so proud of his Uncle Colin he had wanted to show his teacher at school! We had looked for it all day and had a feeling he had taken it to school.
The other day he told me that his uncle is better and living next door to his aunty. We have tried to tell him about the angels but he is still struggling with the concept. The problem is that he has been sleeping badly and having nightmares. How much should you really tell children? Should you say that they have gone to the angels or should you say they are on holiday which they could then ask when they will be back? It seems to come down a lot to personal parental choice and the child as to what they can understand and cope with being told. It is not easy to decide as children are so different and unfortunately death is not a thing you can really hide from them totally when a close relation dies.
So we just have to struggle on and see how it goes and hopefully he will realise that his uncle will not be coming back any time soon.
After all children should be allowed to be children and be protected as much as possible from the harsh realities of life!
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